There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
