ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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