i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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