Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
