The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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