I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
