Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
