He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
