i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
