you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
