it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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