Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
