Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
