mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
