Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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