Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can't motorboat a personality
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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