whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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