I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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