So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
