I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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