I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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