Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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