i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it's like iHOP with fire
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
