I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
