It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
