I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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