Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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