i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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