Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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