Ambien. No doubt about it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
