I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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