i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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