hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
