No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
