I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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