I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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