haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
