This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
