Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
