I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
