Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
