if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
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By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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