I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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