Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
