Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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