I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Houston, we have a squirter
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
