May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
