I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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