theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
