there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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