Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
