Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
