never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
