Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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