This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
