omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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