I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
