I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
