I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
