Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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