We're like a lot better than the average bears
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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