we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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